


Anywhere But Here Without You

by paperstorm



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-08
Updated: 2012-02-08
Packaged: 2017-10-30 21:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/336179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperstorm/pseuds/paperstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last day of filming for season six was hard enough for Jensen, especially considering it could be their last day of filming <i>ever</i> if they don't get renewed. And Jared throwing his arms around anything that moves isn't exactly helping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anywhere But Here Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Co-authored with [](http://slf630.livejournal.com/profile)[**slf630**](http://slf630.livejournal.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> [ ](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/818/j2banner1.jpg/)

Jensen plops down in the chair behind the cot in the panic room set. It’s the last day of shooting for the season so, of course, emotions are kinda all over the place. Jared’s been trying all day to be his usual upbeat, hyperactive self, like an excitable puppy or a toddler on uppers, but his intentions are good - he’s just trying keep everyone’s minds off the fact that this could very well be the last time they’re all together like this. To keep his own mind and Jensen’s off the fact that this may be the last time they slip into Sam and Dean’s skin, a place Jensen’s grown so accustomed to it’s like a well-worn sweatshirt. Jensen’s loved being Dean - it’s comfortable and familiar and safe being Dean - and he hates the idea of losing him so he appreciates Jared’s efforts. But mostly he just feels tired, aggravated and a little sick to his stomach. That he’ll blame on the questionable chicken salad from craft services. Cause he’ll be damned if he’s gonna admit it may be for any other reason.

 

Everyone’s been different today, a little slower and more nostalgic and more than once he’s caught some random member of the crew just gazing wistfully around set like they’re trying to commit it to memory. Jensen sort of knows how they feel, but at the same time it’s irritating him beyond description. He knows it’s stupid to be superstitious, but he can’t help feeling like if everyone just believes they’ll get another season then they will; and he’ll be able to put off the word ‘goodbye’ for at least another year. But he seems to be the only one who feels that way. Jim’s being uncharacteristically quiet, Misha’s throwing his arms around anyone who’s unwise enough to get within a few feet of him, and every time Bob yells ‘cut’, it sounds strangely final in a way it never has before. Even Jared’s cheerful demeanor is tinged with a hint of sadness today - like everyone can tell he’s trying too hard to be his normal bubbly self. And Sebastian’s taken so many pictures he could rival the paparazzi - seriously, the guy’s starting to get as bad as Misha with the damn tweets.

Jensen’s rubbing at the dull burn that’s threatening to gather behind his eyes, applying pressure to the points under his eyebrows that sometimes help to release the tension of a stress-headache, when he hears the unmistakable sound of Jared giggling. He pulls his hand away - fully intending to make some smart-ass remark that includes the word ‘schoolgirl’, but his words immediately get lost to the sight in front of him. Apparently he looked up just in the nick of time to see Misha snap a picture of Jared and Sebastian freakin’ cuddling on that damn cot.

What the fuck? No, seriously. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Jensen practically sees red. He really wouldn’t be surprised if steam was shooting out of his ears like in a cartoon. He normally has no problem with Seb - likes him a lot actually, and has grown accustomed to him being around the more the story calls for Balthazar to be a part of it - and Jared’s always been a touchy-feely kind of person. Lord knows Jensen’s had enough time to get used to that; his overgrown man-child of a boyfriend is always hanging off somebody or other. But there’s just something infuriating about seeing them laughing and joking like that while Jensen’s right there, quietly freaking out. It’s selfish and completely juvenile to expect that Jared’s attention should be on Jensen at all times, honestly Jensen wouldn’t want it to be, but this seems like one of those situations where usually Jared would be able to sense from a mile away that Jensen’s upset, and the fact that he’s right there, practically flirting with the older man and totally oblivious to Jensen’s bad mood … it’s just too much to take, especially after everything else this day’s thrown at him.

His expression must come through in the picture because when Misha checks it on the camera’s digital screen, he shoots Jensen a puzzled, questioning look. But Jensen avoids meeting his gaze, and Misha just shrugs a little, hands the camera back to Sebastian and flits off to aggravate someone else.

Jensen doesn’t necessarily shout for joy when they call for a thirty minute break so everyone can “get their heads back in the game” - Bob’s words not his; but he totally agrees with the man - but it’s a damn-near thing. Without much thought and not a word to anyone, Jensen shoots a glare over at Jared; putting as much malice into it as he can muster in his exhausted, frustrated state and doing his best to convey that if Jared’s smart - and doesn’t want to sleep on the couch for the next indeterminable amount of time - he’ll follow without question or delay. Like a dog ashamed of upsetting its master, Jared’s trailing after him immediately (figurative tail between his legs) and Jensen takes a second’s break from being pissed to be impressed. Maybe he should use that look more often on his boyfriend to get what he wants.

They’re just off set - away from prying eyes and nosy co-stars - heading toward Jensen’s trailer when he feels a large, warm hand curl around his bicep.

“Jen, wait up,” Jared pants slightly - having had to push his long legs to keep up with Jensen’s angry strides.

Jensen doesn’t stop, barely slows down at all, as he grabs Jared’s wrist and all but drags him the rest of the way. They barely make it through the door before Jensen’s resolve snaps. He slams Jared against the wood, one hand sliding across his hip to reach behind him for the lock. Jared’s eyes are wide, confusion warring with growing arousal clear as day in the bright hazel depths. There’s nothing but a few mere inches of air separating them; if Jensen inhales deeply enough his chest will brush Jared’s. He’s breathing raggedly, nostrils flaring, as he tries and fails to calm the pounding rhythm of his heart and the blood rushing past his ears.

“Jensen?” Jared asks; an uncertain, timid quality to his voice that Jensen hasn’t heard in years, not since they first admitted their feelings to one another.

“Just. Shut the fuck up, Jared,” Jensen growls. He doesn’t mean it to sound as cold as it does - sees the hurt and fear flash across Jared’s beautiful face. But somehow, with whatever is wrong with him today, that just blends in with his irritation and merely serves to spur him on more rather than make him recoil like he usually would when faced with Jared looking for all the world like a kicked puppy.

He surges forward - one hand sliding up and gripping Jared’s hair roughly - lips colliding just this side of brutal. It’s fast and dirty; a wet slide of lips and tongue and too many tangled emotions for Jensen to deal with all at once. When he feels Jared struggle slightly beneath the pressure of his mouth, he at least remains level-headed enough to ease up just a little and nip at Jared’s plump bottom lip.

“Have no fuckin’ clue what you were doin’ to me, do ya?” he hisses against Jared’s spit-slick, kiss-swollen lips. “You’re fuckin’ mine, Jare.”

Jared gasps slightly, hands tentatively lifting to curl around Jensen’s hips. “’Course ‘m yours,” he whispers, like it’s completely ludicrous for Jensen to have ever thought otherwise. “What’s wrong, babe?”

Jensen’s well aware of the fact that if he starts talking he’ll more-than-likely end up babbling like an idiot and make a spectacular ass out of himself, even more than he already has. So he merely drops to his knees, hands immediately going for Jared’s belt. Jared tries to grab at them but Jensen just bats him away. Making short work of the button and zipper, Jensen pulls Sam’s jeans down Jared’s narrow hips. He leans forward, pushing his face into the cotton and nuzzling for a moment in the crease where thigh meets groin; inhaling the musky scent that makes his head spin and feel almost drunk with arousal. Jared smells fuckin’ good; always has. Every time Jensen gets a whiff of that warm, heady aroma his dick springs into action like it just pounded a case of Redbull, and this time is no different.

He hears Jared whimper slightly when he mouths over the half-hard cock still trapped behind his boxer briefs - the pliant flesh growing thick and hot beneath his lips. The fabric is spit-wet when he pulls away; Jared’s fully erect shaft obvious and obscene under the now almost see-through material. He looks up the long line of Jared’s torso through his lashes - the sight making his own cock twitch painfully against his zipper. Jared’s mouth is swollen and kiss-bruised and parted slightly, cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, his eyes half-lidded and lust-blown, his massive chest heaving as he tries to drag air into his lungs, his hair messily tousled where Jensen had his hand buried in it. He looks thoroughly fucked out and totally debauched and Jensen curses the fact that they only have at best twenty minutes left of their break. Because, fuck, he’s so hard he could pound fucking nails - his arousal getting all mixed up with lingering anger and irrational jealously and he wants nothing more than to bury his cock in Jared’s sinfully-sweet, tight ass and fuck him right through the floor.

His eyes fall to the bulge in front of his face - twitching and no doubt leaking pre-come like a busted faucet. He curls his fingers under the waistband and pulls the material down Jared’s thighs with a low growl, tucking the elastic snug under the heavy swell of Jared’s sac. He wraps his fist around the base of Jared’s red, angry looking erection and gives it a few rough tugs. He looks back up at Jared as he licks the milky fluid from the head that he knew would be there.

“Mine,” he growls again - really has no idea where this possessive, dominating attitude is coming from but is way passed the point of being able to hold it back.

“Yours,” Jared pants. “Always yours.”

Jensen slips his lips over the head of Jared‘s cock - another salty-sweet pulse of fluid hitting his tongue as he does. He moans at the taste; has been addicted to Jared’s unique flavor since the beginning. Jensen’s eyes flutter closed, tongue rubbing over the small bundle of nerves then down over the thick, pulsing vein. His lips slide lower, pushing himself until he feels Jared’s swollen head nudge the back of his throat. He slowly reopens his eyes, then - looking up at Jared from under his lashes, gazes locking and holding as Jensen begins to bob his head up and down the long length of Jared’s shaft - his fingers curled around the base making up for the not insubstantial amount he can’t fit. One of Jared’s large hands drops to palm the back of his head; not tugging or guiding, merely hanging on.

Jared moans low in his throat when Jensen speeds up; rhythm becoming fast and dirty; spit and pre-come dribbling down Jared’s shaft and onto Jensen’s chin. Jensen brings his free hand up to slide his index finger through the sloppy mess. He trails his fingers over Jared’s balls - pausing for a moment to gently squeeze and roll them in his palm - before letting his fingertip slip to the thin, sensitive skin behind. Jared’s eyes darken further, a barely-there nod of his head and Jensen logs the affirmative and pushes against the tight ring of muscle; circling the furled flesh until it starts to loosen enough that the tip of his finger slips easily inside. He twists his finger slightly, pushing in all the way. Hollowing his cheeks, Jensen sucks Jared down hard - head sliding further into his throat - just as his blunt nail presses against Jared’s prostate.

“Oh fuck, Jen,” Jared groans, fingers tightening in the short hair on the back of his head. “’m gonna come.”

Jensen hums in approval - wants to feel Jared’s sticky warm come hit the back of his throat, wants to fully taste him and know that no one else in the world gets this from Jared. That Euro-trash asshole may get Jared’s hugs and smiles and laughs that light up his whole face, but he doesn’t get this. He doesn’t get to touch Jared in these intimate places; he doesn’t get to watch as Jared falls apart.

Jared’s whole body tenses; muscles rolling and clenching tight. Jensen presses down harder on that sweet, spongey bundle of nerves, rubbing over it incessantly as he swallows around Jared’s cock. He feels Jared swell, the tightening of his balls against his wrist. Jared cries out his name softly with the first pulse of his orgasm and Jensen pulls back just enough to catch wave after wave of slightly bitter come on his tongue; his own moan matching Jared’s as he greedily gulps down the evidence of what’s theirs and no one else’s.

Jensen’s throat flutters in a final swallow and then he lets the dripping organ slip from his mouth and flicks his eyes up at his boyfriend. Jared’s chest is heaving - breaths harsh and loud in the now silence of the trailer. Jensen gently licks over the softening flesh, making sure not to miss a single drop. Jared shudders slightly, tremors still randomly wracking his body like withdrawal. Jensen looks up again, blinks a few times at the small smile curling Jared’s lips - dimples just barely showing. His long legs finally give out; knees buckling and sending Jared’s big, limp body slowly to the floor. Jensen’s still hard as fucking granite, cock painfully pushing against his zipper as it thrums in time with his frantic pulse. And he’s still confused as hell; world tilted off-center and he still can’t quite figure out why. Jared’s bleary ‘post-sex’ smile normally calms him, warms his heart and pours liquid sunshine down into his gut. But right now, for some reason, it just hurts.

“C’mere,” Jared whispers softly, hands reaching for Jensen like he needs the contact in order to keep breathing, and no matter how off Jensen feels right now, there’s no way he can deny Jared anything.

He crawls forward, lets Jared pull him into his lap; legs straddling Jared’s muscular thighs. Jared kisses him gently as one of his hands presses against the bulge in his jeans. Jensen pushes in harder, deepening the kiss and letting Jared taste himself in their shared air. He doesn’t want sweet and tender right now. He can feel Jared hesitate, rips his lips away as he quickly undoes his own jeans - shifting slightly to get the denim and cotton down just under his ass. He grabs Jared’s hand and forces the long, slender fingers to curl around his rigid flesh, and even that bit of contact has his head spinning.

“Do it,” he growls, nipping at Jared’s bottom lip.

Jared’s brow furrows - obviously thrown by Jensen’s atypical attitude - but begins to stroke Jensen’s cock anyway. It won’t take long; Jensen’s been too close to the edge for too long as it is. Jared draws his hand up, slight flick of his wrist when he gets to the head and Jensen’s just done. He smashes his lips against Jared’s, his moan getting lost in Jared’s mouth; his orgasm quick and intense and not even particularly satisfying. Jensen collapses forward, forehead rolling against Jared’s as the shudders slowly pass. His eyes slide closed, nostrils flaring as he inhales the smell of Jared, sweat, and them, but that unsettled feeling is still curling low in his stomach; heart beating painfully hard against his ribs.

Jared runs one hand softly over his back, up into his hair and back down again. “Not that I’m complaining about surprise blow jobs but, what, uh, what was that about?” he asks gently.

Jensen opens his mouth to answer - not sure exactly what he’s going to say - when a sharp knock at the door makes them both jump, muffled voice shouting, “Five minutes guys.”

They spring apart, hastily cleaning up and redressing and trying to look like they didn’t do what they just did. Jensen grabs Jared’s wrist just before he opens the door, pulling him back into his arms for a moment. “We’ll talk at home, kay? I promise,” he says softly, lips pressed lightly against Jared’s.

“Yeah,” Jared breathes. “I … just, whatever’s going on, you - you know that I love you, right?” he asks earnestly - like Jensen needs to be reminded.

“I know. Me too,” Jensen whispers, presses a soft, chaste kiss to Jared’s lips. “C’mon. We gotta go.”

===

The ride home is probably the longest of Jensen’s life. It’s the same distance it is every day, the same number of miles and speed-bumps and stoplights it’s always been, since almost three years ago when Jensen moved in after Jared and Sandy called off the wedding. There are twelve lights, four speed-bumps and seven stop-signs - Jensen counted once - and even in heavy traffic it never takes them longer than thirty minutes to get from A to B. But today, it feels like three times farther and about six times longer. The situation isn’t made better by the way Jared keeps throwing him these sad, worried, confused looks that Jensen’s pretending not to notice, or by the increasingly wary way Clif is eyeing both of them in the rearview. Like he expects them to either start screaming or sobbing at any second and he’s mentally preparing himself. Honestly, he’s not wrong - Jensen feels like doing both.

He’s never felt _more_ like crying in his whole life actually. The sight of the mass of sets and lights and trailers that make up the show’s home-base retreating out of the rear window of the black SUV is quite possibly the saddest thing Jensen’s ever experienced, including the time his dog was run over by a car when he was fourteen. It was all Jensen could do not to burst into tears. He didn’t, he somehow managed to keep himself under control, mostly by clenching his jaw so tight he was surprised his teeth didn’t crack. But now his efforts have just made him feel sick to his stomach.

He supposes there’s still the wrap party, so it’s not like today was actually goodbye _forever_ like he feels like it was, but still. It won’t be the same. Jensen’s met a lot of people working on Supernatural that he’s good enough friends with to spend time with outside of work - Jared, of course, Misha, Jason - but for the most part, the people he worked with almost every day for six years were just that; co-workers. And he loves them all like his Supernatural family, but probably not enough to keep in touch with after the show’s over. They could try, but Jensen knows from experience that it doesn’t work when you don’t see each other all the time. He worked on Days for three years, and he never talks to anyone from that show anymore.

And then there’s Jared. He’s a whole different problem entirely. Jared is … everything. He really is. Jensen loves him with every inch of his body and soul, being with Jared is the single most important thing in Jensen’s whole life; and it terrifies him to think about how _hard_ it’s gonna be when they don’t have an excuse to spend every minute of every day together. He’s not scared they’re going to break up or something, he’s secure enough in their relationship that he knows that won’t happen, but not working together anymore is going to be a huge adjustment and Jensen’s really unsure about how they’re going to handle it.

It’s been the perfect set-up for two guys who’re madly in love but not _quite_ ready for the rest of the world to know it - they’re the leads in a TV show that mostly revolves around their two characters. The only person who spends more time working on the show is Kripke himself, so of course they spend practically every minute together. They were best friends first anyway, and they’ve got the kind of job that actually _requires_ them to be around each other 24/7. They film in a city that’s a long way away from where either of them actually live, so of course they live in a house together with Jared’s dogs. And they go to conventions and do PR stuff all over the world, so of course they’re always seen at airports together, or restaurants in LA, or at tourist spots in Europe. It just makes sense, so nobody questions it. And now all that could be gone - the comfort and security of knowing they don’t have to sneak around to be together - and honestly, Jensen’s really worried.

When Clif drops them off, it’s with a stilted farewell like he, too, is feeling the weight of the possibility that in a few short weeks they could all be out of a job. Jared unlocks the door and is instantly bombarded by two huge cinnamon colored blurs that yip and jump around at his feet, ecstatic as always when their Daddy’s home. Jensen manages to sort of fade into the corner and then slip passed them without anybody noticing; which is impressive since usually Sadie is more excited to see _him_ than she is Jared - Jared always playfully pouts and announces woefully that his girl likes Jensen better - but today Jensen sneaks away from all of them and makes his way quietly to the kitchen to pour himself a beer. He’d opt for something stronger, but even staring into the frothy amber liquid in the clear, brown bottle is making him queasy.

This is all so good; coming home exhausted with Jared after a long day, being greeted excitedly by the dogs, watching TV or chatting casually or going to bed together to sleep wrapped around each other. Jensen doesn’t want it to end. He doesn’t want their relationship to revert to late-night phone calls and secret rendezvous in shady hotel rooms just for the chance to feel Jared’s skin against his own.

“You gonna tell me what’s up with you now?”

Jensen starts a little; he didn’t hear Jared come in, and he spins around quickly to find his boyfriend leaning sideways against the door-frame with a curious and slightly worried expression on his face. It nearly breaks Jensen down - he wants more than anything to just shatter and let Jared hold him and soothe him and put him back together again - but he doesn’t. He can’t.

“Just … hard day.” Jensen shrugs and swirls his beer around in the bottle. “I hate saying goodbye. I hate, you know, not knowing. If we’re coming back.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “Totally sucks. I love what we do, I’m really gonna hate it if we don’t get picked up. But it … the whole thing where you dragged me off to your trailer like a caveman? Again, not complaining, but you seemed … it just seemed like there was something else going on.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. Not at Jared, at himself. He really did act like an idiot this afternoon. “You - you’re totally gonna make fun of me.”

“Tell me anyway,” Jared says, moving further into the room and getting himself a drink.

“You and Sebastian, on the cot.” Jensen groans at how pathetic he is and runs a hand over his face. “I was just … I don’t know. Jealous, I guess.”

Jared turns around slowly, eyebrows disappeared under his bangs. “Me and Seb? When he jumped on me and Misha took that picture? Why on earth would you be jealous of that?”

“It … he had his hands on you, I just … it was stupid. I know you’re a touchy-feely kind of person or whatever, that’s just who you are and usually it doesn’t bother me but today it did. I don’t know why.”

“We didn’t do anything,” Jared continues, obviously bewildered. “Jen, we were in a room full of people! How _could_ we do anything?”

“I know. I told you it was stupid.”

Jared’s got a funny look on his face and Jensen really doesn’t want to deal with this right now, even though he promised they’d talk at home, so he sidesteps around Jared and moves into the living room. But Jared trails after him, just like Jensen knew he would, and watches him closely as Jensen sits down on the couch and leans over, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his head fall down between his hunched shoulders.

“Jensen,” Jared says quietly, like a plea.

“Look, I was sort of having a bad day already and it just rubbed me the wrong way to see the two of you lying there together, laughing and having a grand old time while I was over in the corner in a shitty mood,” Jensen explains stiffly. “It’s nothing. I’m being dumb.”

Jared doesn’t say anything for a few long moments. The sound of his breathing is the only reason Jensen can tell he’s still there, since he doesn’t think he could bare to actually look at him. He’s not even sure why - usually when he’s in a mood like this, nothing helps more than Jared does. If Jensen just told him what was going through his head, Jared would take his hand and lead him to their bed and wrap him up and everything would instantly be okay again. But Jensen’s still in that awful funk from earlier, and now he’s starting to feel bad about how roughly and coldly he treated Jared earlier, and everything is jumbling up together in his mind and Jensen’s pretty sure he won’t be able to handle actually having this conversation without breaking.

Then Jared moves toward where Jensen’s slumped on the couch; slowly and quietly like he’s approaching a frightened animal - like he’s afraid if he moves too quickly Jensen will startle and run away. He gets in front of Jensen and then he sinks down to his knees, pushing his body in between Jensen’s legs and smoothing his big hands up Jensen’s thigh. Jensen’s skin tingles with the heat Jared’s palms leave behind, even through the thick denim.

“The only thing that’s dumb is you ever thinking that I’d wanna be with anyone but you,” Jared says, gently but firmly, cupping Jensen’s hips in his hands.

“Jay,” Jensen sighs.

“I mean it,” Jared insists, eyes shining in sincerity. “You really freaked me out earlier, with all that ‘mine’ stuff. Of course I’m yours, I don’t ever want you to doubt that for a second. I don’t know what’s going on with you today but I _love you_ , Jensen Ackles. Forever, okay?”

Jensen nods, pressing his lips together against a powerful swell in his chest. “You’re a freakin’ sap,” he jokes, voice thick with emotion.

“Mhm.” Jared smiles and leans up and kisses Jensen gently, brushing his lips against Jensen’s just enough to feel the whisper of skin. It’s soft and sweet and it knocks down whatever bits of the wall Jensen still had up.

He tilts his head forward so he can rest his forehead on Jared’s; bringing his hands up to slip his fingers into Jared’s hair. “I acted like I did today ‘cause I’m so god-damn scared of losing you, losing what we have.”

Jared pulls back enough to see Jensen’s face; his eyebrows are tilted up in the middle again. “Why would you think that? I’m not going anywhere.”

Jensen shrugs one shoulder half-heartedly.

“No, c’mon,” Jared pushes. “Don’t shut me out.”

“Just … if we don’t get another season, I’m … I’m worried, Jare,” Jensen admits, resting his forehead against Jared’s again so he doesn’t have to see Jared’s eyes. “You’re probably gonna tell me I’m being paranoid, but I just feel like if we aren’t working on the show together anymore it’s gonna be really hard to … and I like things so much the way they are now, you know? I like _this_ , I like being here with you, in our house, and if we get cancelled we’re not gonna have this anymore.”

“You think the show getting cancelled means we can’t be together anymore?” Jared asks incredulously.

“No, not - I just mean it’s been really easy for us to keep all this a secret. We haven’t had to sneak around very much ‘cause no one thinks it’s weird for us to be with each other all the time,” Jensen clarifies. “But if we’re not working together it’s gonna be more complicated. I love our life, I don’t want it to change.”

“Oh.” Jared pauses, working his fingers gently around to the small of Jensen’s back and petting at the skin there. “I … I guess I hadn’t really thought of that.”

“Well what did you think was gonna happen?” Jensen asks, unable to keep a sharp tinge of annoyance out of his voice. That’s just like Jared, to just assume everything’s going to be fine even though he doesn’t have a plan. Jensen loves him, but sometimes Jared is a little _too_ much of an optimist. “Did you think we could just keep living here together like everything was the same? When we don’t have a reason to even be in Vancouver anymore? People will notice if the show ends and we don’t move out, Jared. We won’t be able to keep pretending anymore. Are you really ready for people to find out about us?”

“I … I don’t know.” Jared pulls away from Jensen and sits back on his heels. “No, I guess not. But look, we’ll … we probably will get picked up for another season, people love the show. And if we don’t, we’ll just have to figure something out.”

“How?” Jensen persists.

“We just will,” Jared promises. He raises back up to his knees and pushes further in between Jensen’s legs until he’s pressed right up against Jensen’s body, and then he reaches up to cup Jensen’s cheek in his palm. “I don’t know how things are gonna turn out, but what I do know is that I love you more than everything in the world. I’m not givin’ you up, not for anything.”

Jensen rolls his eyes even though he can’t help smiling a little. “I love you too, you know I do. But that’s not the _point_. That isn’t a solution.”

“Sure it is.”

“C’mon, no it isn’t!” Jensen pushes Jared back enough so he can stand up and pace across the room. “You can’t just kiss me and say everything’s gonna be okay and then it will be! It doesn’t _work_ like that, Jared!”

“I don’t know what you want from me!” Jared cries, getting up off the ground and brushing his hair off his face. “I really hadn’t given it much thought yet! I kinda figured we’d just cross that bridge when we came to it. I’m not you, I don’t have every second of my life mapped out!”

“Well then let’s do it now,” Jensen says decisively. Jared narrows his eyes in confusion and maybe irritation but Jensen keeps going. “I’m not trying to be controlling, I’m really not, but we need a back-up plan! We can’t just cross our fingers and hope everything will fall into place!”

“Jensen … look, you’re right, okay?” Jared sighs heavily and drops his over-sized body back down onto the couch. “But can we please do this tomorrow? This is all still a ‘what it’ right now, anyway, and I … it was a crazy long day. You’re not the only one who hated saying goodbye to everyone. Today really sucked and I’m not up for arguing with you tonight. Please?”

Jensen doesn’t want to let it go that easily, he still thinks sometimes Jared lives in a fantasy world of candy and rainbows where he really believes everything will be okay if he just closes his eyes and wishes hard enough, but Jared’s voice sounds so small and exhausted that all the fight goes right out of Jensen’s body. He can’t deny Jared anything _ever_ , but especially not when he sounds like a sad little boy, pleading Jensen to make it better. So Jensen takes the four steps back to the couch and sits down beside Jared, who immediately shuffles closer and leans his head on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen smiles and pulls his arm out from under Jared’s body, wrapping it around Jared’s shoulders and pulling him in closer. Jared snuggles into him, nuzzling his neck and resting his free arm across Jensen’s stomach.

“I’m not ready for the show to be over, that’s why I can’t do this,” he admits quietly, words smushed into Jensen’s skin. “I can’t even think about it. I like being Sam, I … I’m _good_ at playing Sam. What if I’m not good at anything else?”

Jensen’s heart just about breaks for him; because he’s had that exact same thought about himself so many times he lost count a long time ago. He knows how crippling it is to doubt yourself. He’s so comfortable with Dean, he really worries sometimes that he’s not a good enough actor to actually make it without Supernatural. But right now Jared’s the one in need of a confidence boost, so Jensen puts aside his own insecurities and hugs his boyfriend a little tighter.

“You are amazing,” he reassures. “Every time you get to play someone who’s not Sam, like when you were the devil or when Sam didn’t have his soul, you just knock it right out of the park, Jay. You blow everybody away. That shows how good you are. You’re so talented, you’re gonna do just fine. I know it.”

Jared huffs. “You’re my boyfriend, you have to say that.”

“I do not,” Jensen argues in fake indignation, bringing his other hand up to scratch through Jared’s hair. “I _have_ to tell you things like you’re good in bed, I don’t have to tell you you’re good at your job.”

“Hey!” Jared protests and Jensen laughs and kisses his forehead.

“Kidding.” Jensen dips his head down and bumps Jared’s nose with his own. “There’s no rule that says I have to tell you anything. You’re incredible, I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t the truth.”

“Incredible in bed or as an actor?” Jared asks, raising an eyebrow and grinning wryly.

“Both, definitely. But I meant as an actor,” Jensen replies, grinning back but trying to communicate with his eyes that he means it.

Jared nods a little and lays his head back down on Jensen’s shoulder. “You are too. You’re the best I’ve ever worked with, Jen. You … you make me better. You’re gonna be winning Oscars in no time.”

“Be my date on the red carpet?” Jensen whispers. He’s joking, but he wishes he weren’t.

“Hell yeah I will.” Jared drags his thumb in an arc over Jensen’s cheekbone and smiles back - that big, goofy smile that means he’s about to say something cheesy and romantic. “Look, everything’s kinda up in the air right now, y’know? But it’s gonna be okay. Long as we stick together, everything else will work itself out, right?”

Jensen’s never totally bought into that whole ‘love conquers all’ thing before, but being with Jared makes him _want_ to believe it. He sort of wants to keep talking, but then Jared ducks down and presses his lips into Jensen’s neck, and everything else flies right out of Jensen’s mind.

Jensen’s head falls back, lips parting on a softly exhaled moan as Jared moves his lips slowly, intently, over the sensitive skin covering his rapidly increasing pulse. Jared has always known the best way to distract him, that he needs the tactical proof when words won’t make it into his thick skull. And after all these years, it’s a skill Jared’s perfected. One of those large hands slides down his side; long, slender fingers pushing just under the hem of his t-shirt to ghost over his hip before gripping hard. Jensen gasps slightly as Jared uses that hand to push him down against the couch cushions, Jared’s familiar weight following not a heartbeat later.

“Jen,” Jared murmurs against Jensen’s neck between licks and nips. Jensen waits for more, waits for Jared to finish his sentence but nothing else comes.

His hands are in constant motion now, smoothing down Jensen’s sides, up under his shirt, along the low-slung waist of his jeans, like he doesn’t know what to touch first. It’s been a long time since he’s seen Jared so frantic and worked up and deep-down he knows, despite Jared’s positive outlook and upbeat ‘you and me against the world’ motto, he’s just as freaked out as Jensen is about losing all that they’ve worked so hard to hold on to. And even though Jensen was in the same state of mind earlier in his trailer, his natural instinct is to calm Jared, to coddle and protect the younger man.

“Hey, hey, easy. Calm down,” he says softly, one hand slowly running up and down Jared’s back. “’s okay, Jare.”

Jared pulls back enough from his assault on Jensen’s neck to look him in the eyes. There’s of course need and want there, but deep down, there’s fear and uncertainty swirling in those expressive hazel depths. And even though he doesn’t really know how, and doesn’t really believe it totally himself, Jensen finds himself whispering reassurances against Jared’s lips. “’s okay, baby. I promise. We’ll work it out. No matter what. ‘m not gonna give you up.”

Jared lets out what can only be described as a whimper before crashing their lips together again. The intensity is still there, but that frantic edge that they’ve both ended up battling at some point today is gone.

Jared pulls back, inhaling deeply, large palms coming up to frame Jensen’s face. “Let’s go upstairs.” His voice is already taking on that husky, fucked-out tone that drives Jensen absolutely crazy, his eyes dark and lust-blown. And really? Who’s Jensen to decline an invitation like that?

“Fuck yeah,” Jensen breathes, already pushing at Jared’s massive shoulder to get him to move.

Jared chuckles fondly before heaving himself up and off the couch, one hand held out to Jensen. He slips his own hand into Jared’s, letting the younger man pull him to his feet. He gasps when Jared pulls him hard against his broad, muscular chest, once again claiming Jensen’s lips in a bruising, passionate kiss.

“Jay,” he groans as he pulls away from those wide, tempting, candy-pink lips. “C’mon. Keep that up and we won’t make it upstairs.”

Jared smirks as he turns Jensen in his arms, pulling him in again, back to chest. Jensen moans when he feels the hard line of Jared’s cock pressed against the curve of his ass, Jared’s hands gripping his hips, pulling him in even closer. He bites down just this side of painful where neck meets shoulder, Jensen’s head falling back to rest against Jared’s shoulder. His lips trail up, sucking briefly on Jensen’s earlobe, teeth scraping over the flesh before pulling away just enough to speak, lips catching and dragging on the shell of his ear.

“Want you,” he breathes.

Jensen’s eyes slam shut, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly, when he feels Jared rock against his ass again. It's a relatively short trip to their bedroom, just up the stairs and to the left, but it feels like it's miles away with the way that Jared's teasing him and Jensen's truly not sure he's going to make it. Extracting himself from the familiar warmth of Jared's arms takes damn-near super-human strength but Jensen somehow manages, batting at Jared's hands when his boyfriend reaches for him again. Jared, who has apparently turned into a sadistic, evil tease, merely chuckles as he takes off past Jensen; long legs eating up the distance to the stairs before Jensen even has the presence of mind to actually move. By the time he convinces his legs that he really needs to be following Jared, like right the fuck now, Jared's already at the top of the steps, turning the corner and heading to their room.

He honestly can't remember the last time he was so hard that it literally hurt to walk, but he sure as hell is right now. Somehow, he makes it upstairs but stops short just inside their bedroom, slumping heavily against the door frame. Jared must have practically ripped his clothes off because he's currently laying spread-eagled on their huge California king, naked as the day he was born. Jensen must make some kind of noise - he's not really sure cause he's pretty sure that his brain just sorta short circuited - because Jared lifts his head up from the pillow; filthy, flirty smirk curling up his spit-slick lips.

"Almost thought that I was gonna haf’ta start without ya," he drawls lazily with a wink, letting his accent slip just a bit because he _knows_ that it gets Jensen every fucking time.

Jensen's jaw's clenched so hard he's honestly concerned that he's about to crack his molars. There's a part of him that actually kinda wants to just stand here and let Jared start without him; to just stand there and watch all that firm muscle move and shift under tan skin. But the bigger part really wants to participate.

Jared must decide that Jensen's still taking too long. He shrugs slightly, one hand lifting off the mattress to curl around his thick, leaking cock, moaning at the sensation of his own touch. Jensen growls low in his throat - that's definitely enough to get his legs working again. He's across the room before he knows it, striping his shirt over his head as he goes. He kneels on the end of the mattress, knee walking his way up the bed, between Jared's ridiculously long legs.

His hands curl around the jut of Jared's hipbones, groaning as his thumbs dig into the indention where muscle meets bone. His hands fit those hips like they were made just for him - Jesus Christ, those fucking _hips_. He leans down, lips and teeth and tongue moving over Jared's abdomen and down to the sensitive, baby-soft skin of his inner thigh. He bites down just a little, sucking that silky-smooth skin between his lips, moaning when he feels the warmth of blood rush to the surface. He pulls away with a slick, obscene 'pop', tilting his head slightly to admire the spectacular bruise already darkening the slightly paler flesh of Jared's thigh.

"Jen," Jared whines, obviously getting impatient.

Jensen raises his head enough to look up the long line of Jared's body. No matter how many times he sees it, he's still mesmerized by the sight of Jared like this; hard, naked, spread out - all for Jensen. It's a heady feeling knowing that he can reduce this strong, beautiful man to a writhing, mindless pile of goo so easily. Jared's brow furrows as he reaches out for Jensen and that look breaks the last of Jensen's resolve. There's no way he can continue to resist; for all the ways that he affects Jared, he's pretty damn sure Jared affects him even more.

He stifles a chuckle when Jared whimpers slightly as he climbs back off the bed. But as soon as Jared sees his hands fall to the button of his jeans, that brilliant, blinding, dimpled grin breaks out across his beautiful face. Jensen quickly shucks his jeans and boxer briefs, resettling between Jared's spread thighs. They moan in unison when their bare cocks slide together, and Jensen can't help but thrust down again, chasing that sweet friction.

He drops down, most of his weight on his knees and his forearms, bracketing Jared's head. He twines his fingers into the messy, sweat-damp strands of Jared's hair, momentarily distracted by the sight of those chocolate brown tresses sliding over his fingers, so dark against his pale skin. Jared's big hands palm his ass, squeezing the globes playfully, and Jensen's attention refocuses on his eyes. He's looking up at Jensen, all the love and adoration that he's given Jensen from damn-near day one shining in those gorgeous, ever-changing eyes and Jensen can't believe that he's so freaking lucky to not only know Jared, but to be on the receiving end of that overwhelming, never-ending Padalecki love. Jared's heart is as big as his massive frame, and it's all Jensen's.

Emotion makes Jensen's throat a little tight as he leans in to slot his lips against Jared's - just a sweet, slow, soft slide. "Whaddya want, baby?" he rasps.

Jared's smile turns warm and fond, eyes going liquid. "You. Just you. Always," he says softly. And Jensen would totally call him on being a big freaking sap - and make fun of him for weeks - but with the whirl-wind of emotions he's been slammed with today, it warms his heart too much to tease.

"Got me," he whispers.

"Wanna feel you, Jen. Want you inside me."

Jensen inhales deeply, trying desperately to control the urge to come just from that. It's nothing that they haven't done thousands of times, but for some reason, today, it just hits Jensen harder than it has in a long time. He licks his lips, one hand untangling from Jared's hair to reach over to the night stand, grabbing the lube.

Jared's watching him intently, softly chewing on his bottom lip, as he slicks up his fingers. He shifts his hips just enough to drop his hand between them, stopping momentarily to roll Jared's balls in his palm before sliding behind. They've been together long enough that he knows he really doesn't need to take this slow, Jared's more than able - and willing - to take the burn of the stretch. But he wants to savor this, to make it last as long as possible.

Jared's tight like the first time at first no matter how many times they've done this and Jensen moans as his index finger slides in all the way to the knuckle. Jared fucking _keens_ , wrapping his long arms around Jensen's shoulders, his hips already rocking down against Jensen's hand, trying to get him deeper.

"C'mon, Jen. Shit, more," Jared babbles.

Jensen shakes his head, lips and teeth moving slowly over the sweat-salty skin of Jared's neck. "Easy, Jare. Wanna go slow."

Jared huffs but doesn't say anything else. They both know damn-well that the slow, torturous pace won't last, that Jensen's patience won't last. But for now, Jared'll let him have his way. He smiles against Jared's fluttering pulse when he quirks his finger and nails Jared's prostate head on, his boyfriend's back arching off the mattress as much as Jensen's frame holding him down will allow.

Jared sighs contentedly when Jensen finally pushes forward with a second finger, making sure to hit that sweet spot each and every time. By the time Jensen's got three fingers working steadily in and out, Jared's a moaning, trembling wreck; beautiful eyes so dark and lust-blown there's hardly any hazel visible, thin sheet of sweat covering every inch of smooth, tan skin, massive chest heaving as he pants. He's fucking beautiful. Jensen would be more than satisfied to just get Jared off like this; he could come himself from it even if he never got a hand on his own dick; just watching Jared.

"Please, Jen. Fuck ... oh god. Babe, _please_ ," Jared begs, long arms and legs wrapping around Jensen, trapping him against his chest - as if Jensen actually has _any_ intention of going anywhere.

Jared stares up at him, a look of complete love and trust on his gorgeous face and Jensen's resolve snaps. Jared whines pitifully when Jensen pulls his fingers all the way out, no doubt thinking that Jensen's still teasing. Jensen pets soothingly over Jared's hip briefly, smiling fondly at his boyfriend before focusing on slicking up his own aching, leaking length. He hisses a bit at his own touch, head falling back as his eyes slam shut. He's been so focused on Jared, his own neglected cock a mere afterthought until now.

His clean hand slides down Jared's thigh, fingers curling under Jared's knee, throwing one ridiculously long leg over his shoulder. Jared's already reaching out for him as he resettles between his legs. He lines up, sliding in smooth and easy, all the way to the hilt. They moan in unison when Jensen stops, their bodies flush together. He has all intentions of pausing, giving Jared - and himself - time to adjust. But apparently Jared has other plans. Those long, slender fingers claw at Jensen's back, his hips thrusting against Jensen's.

"Do it," Jared growls. And really, Jensen's helpless to resist, abso-fucking-lutely loves when Jared gets bossy and demanding and _desperate_ like that.

The thought of going slow and dragging this out is a distant memory. He sets a fast, almost-brutal rhythm, the sound of sweat-slick flesh hitting sweat-slick flesh loud and obscene even over their labored breathing and harsh grunts and moans. Jared braces one hand against the headboard, one foot pushing down against the mattress, meeting Jensen thrust for thrust. Jensen manages to snake one hand between their stomachs, fingers curling around Jared's cock. It doesn't take much, a few brief strokes, pressure just right under his cock-head and Jared comes, crying out Jensen's name.

Jensen has no hope of lasting much longer, the clench and flutter of Jared's inner muscles, his release warm and thick dribbling over Jensen's fist, and Jensen's just _done_. He slams his hips forward one last time, whole body tensing as he comes as deep in Jared as he can get. Jared's leg slides off his shoulder, falling bonelessly to the mattress as Jensen collapses forward, face buried in the crook of Jared's neck, panting harshly.

"Holy fuck," Jared rasps once he regains control of his breathing and Jensen nods against the sweaty skin of Jared's neck, wordlessly agreeing. He could say a million things - that was amazing, don’t ever leave me, I love you - but he doesn’t have to. Jared already knows.

Jensen loses track of how long they lie there; it’s long enough that the sweat on his back cools and he shivers when a slight breeze from the open window floats passed them. Jared smiles against Jensen’s forehead and wraps his big arms around him, encasing him in warmth. Jensen shifts his hips enough so that he slides out of Jared’s body, and then he reaches behind himself to grab the sheets and drag them up over their tangled bodies. Jared cups the back of Jensen’s neck and massages gently, lips pressed to Jensen’s temple so they catch and stick when he speaks.

“Sleep now? We can keep arguing later if you want,” he murmurs playfully.

Jensen chuckles and shakes his head, nose bumping the soft skin on Jared’s neck. “Don’t need to. I mean, we are gonna have to talk about this. But maybe we’ll get renewed and this won’t -”

“Shhh,” Jared interrupts, rubbing circles into Jensen’s lower back. “I was kidding, Jen. Doesn’t matter what happens. Long as I got you, I’m good.”

Jensen rolls his eyes a little, it’s a reflex, but he actually agrees with Jared this time. He doesn’t want to lose the show but even if they do, he’s still got Jared. And that’s enough. He kisses Jared’s collarbone and then tries to roll off him so they can sleep - but Jared tightens his arms around him and doesn’t let him move.

“You wanna stay like this?” Jensen asks, shifting until his hips slot against Jared’s again.

“Mhm.” Jared nuzzles into Jensen’s hair and sighs drowsily.

“Can you breathe?”

“Jensen?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up. I’m sleeping.”


End file.
